Since you’ve gotten this far and already discussing marriage, it means you and your partner know a lot about each other and is well-suited.
Unlike the “oyibos”, they would have talked beforehand about things they consider significant, like; who will be doing the dishes when they get married, who will do the cooking, throw the trash away or even change the baby’s diaper (that is if they decide to have kids). In this part of the world, we tend to keep a lot of things to ourselves and believe we will cross the bridge when we get there. But it’s important for you and your partner to have an understanding of what you want for the future in order to be on the same page right from the very beginning. Truly these conversations may be uncomfortable to have but once you get over them, it makes you more connected to your partner. It does not have to be an overly roundtable discussion, you should just be able to figure out how you both agree about the following:
1. Having children
Marriage means starting a family so it’s natural to
talk about having kids or not. How big do you want your family, one child, two,
three or more? Having and raising children is a big responsibility, so you need
to know how you both feel about the size of your family. You need to be a team
to make parenting work so be sure you are both strong and united.
2. Money/Finances.
Money, ego, kudi; Many marriages crash because of
finances. They say, “More money, more problem” but the lack of it causes
problems too. Money can make or mar a relationship/marriage, so it is better if
partners have an understanding of how to handle and plan your finances.
3. Blood group & Genotype compatibility/HIV status
This you should have done before consenting to
marriage. It’s better to know your blood group status for the sake of your children
and also know your HIV status. E no dey show for face o (facial appearance cannot
tell if one is infected or not).
4. Career/goals in life
They say it takes two to tango, your future expectations in life is not just
about you anymore, share what is important to you and what you
want to accomplish in life with your partner.
5. Religion
Most likely if you both practice different faith you
would have probably discussed it. You both have to respect each other’s faith.
6. Values
Know what values are important to you and what values to
share as a family.
7. Happiness/Showing love
Find out what showing love to your partner really is.
Your partner may perceive happiness in a different way, so what you think will
make your partner happy may not be what makes him/her happy. Some people prefer
being shown love with gifts rather than emotions or vice vera.
Yours Truly,
Yours Truly,
Very good advice and great topic
ReplyDeleteOluwakemi, gud counselling to those planning to get married and even those who are already in it. You have said it all.
ReplyDeleteWith recent broken marriages, it's good to have these discussions to be sure you are on the same page.
ReplyDeletetrue!
ReplyDeletenice advice
ReplyDeleteThis is definitely important. Thanks.
ReplyDelete